We were filled with a sense of grudging admiration for the guy who told his kid his booster seat was an ejector seat which would fire him into space.
So we did some research on what are the absolute best lies to tell poor, innocent children.
We didn’t make them up. Don’t judge us.
1. My grandma told us that smelling each other’s farts would make us stronger. Worst Christmas ever for us, funniest Christmas for her.
2. If the ice cream truck is playing music, it means they have run out of ice cream
3. My Mum potty trained me by telling me that children in nappies weren’t allowed into Disney World.
4. If I swallowed my gum I would fart bubbles. I did it by accident once and had a full-scale meltdown.
5. My Grandmother convinced my mother than pineapples were poisonous if eaten raw as a joke, which she believed until we corrected her aged 45.
6. My mother said that if I weed in the shower, wee would come out of the shower nozzle.
7. My flatmate grew up on a farm and was told by her parents that their TV only worked when it rained. She believed this for far, far too long…
8. My mom told my brother and I that a penguin lived behind the fridge, and if we left the door open too long he’d come out and bite us.
9. My parents convinced me that if I didn’t eat my broccoli then I would go bald. They used my Grandfather as an example as he was bald. Turned out he was undergoing cancer treatment.
10. When my ex-girlfriend was a kid, she had misbehaved and her dad told her he was, “Only going to buy her one boob when she grew up.
11. I was told that if a centipede counted my teeth I would die. To this day, I close my mouth when I see a centipede. I’m over 40 years old.
12. Coconuts are bear eggs.
13. The rumble strips on the highway are for the blind drivers. Took me seven years to realize. Well played, Dad.
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